Archive for the ‘Sportz’ Category

The NBA Finals!!1!

June 4, 2009

Tonight, the anticipated NBA Finals begin.

Orlando Magic vs. Los Angeles Lakers.

There is so much going on, and i’ll break down EVERYTHING that is important.

If its not on here, don’t worry about it.

Speaking of all those Q’s and not worrying about it, the first big topic is Kobe’s inability to get a title without Shaq.

They won 3 together, and Shaq left and won a 4th with Miami.

Kobe got straight up dommed last year in the finals, and is “looking for revenge”.


Apparently winning a title without Shaq isn’t important to him, he just wants another.

Even Shaq twittered on the subject: “I am saying it today and today only, I want kobe bryant to get number four, spread da word.”

That is a direct quote, not me trying to use ebonics over the computer.

So now that Shaq’s pulling for him he’s automatically going to win right?


Kobe ALWAYS tries to do the opposite of what Shaq says.

Shaq says trade me, Kobe says stay in LA.


Shaq says win title, Kobe says i’ll throw it.

Knowing that, Orlando will win the series.

Call your bookies!

2. Jameer Nelson coming back?!?!

He probably will but play scarce minutes, and I don’t think he should come back.

Stan Van Man has said he doesn’t think him coming back will tinker with the chemistry.

He won’t demolish it, but it will change.

Rafer “Reefer” Alston has been playing well and Anthony Johnson has been doing everything a 50-year-old in disguise can. Not to mention Courtney Lee using Rip Hamilton’s old mask to tear up the game.

Throwing another guard in changes the rotation, even for a little.

They get rest, but a guy who hasn’t played in a few months takes their spot.

If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it, right?

Don’t try to fix the Magic.

They’ll repeat next season with Jameer at the point.

Orlando is a pretty streaky team usually, because if the 3-ball is off, they lose.

But almost every game this postseason they have been on.

Can they keep it up?

Why not, it’s a magical run right now. (Get it?)

I love Mickael Pietrus.

He’s an all-around G.

When lil wayne asks what G is, the answer is Mickael Pietrus.

Just look at the name folks!!!!

is he a fan of 30's as well??

is he a fan of 30's as well??

He can even throw punches with the best of them.

Golden State Warriors' Mickael Pietrus of France, wears oversized boxing gloves during a film shoot on media day.

Golden State Warriors' Mickael Pietrus of France, wears oversized boxing gloves during a film shoot on media day.

How punny, and I even used the exact caption from the picture on the internet.

Go Mag.

P.S. Fun fact, the Magic have beaten the Boston Celtics and Cleveland Cavaliers.

If they beat the Fakers they will have beaten three 60-win teams in one postseason, which has never been done before.

History is on their side.


Zack Greinke, out of this world

May 5, 2009

This kid is amazing.

He turned my attention to him after his 2nd and 3rd starts which increased his scoreless streak over 30 games and had an amazing ERA, WHIP and K’s.

Now, he sits 6 starts in, at 6-0, 54 k’s, 0.4 ERA, .84 WHIP, and 6 hits per 9 innings.

Everyone knows how important wins, era, and k’s are.

But WHIP is actually an underrated stat along with h/9.

WHIP is walks and hits per inning pitched.

So basically, Zack lets less than one person on per inning pitched.

He’s had 3 complete games, with 2 shutouts, one of which came last night against a powerful Chicago white sox team.

He’a number one in baseball, including hitters and pitchers according to yahoo’s fantasy stats.

45 innings pitched, 2 earned runs.

Unheard of.

But the amazing thing is the backstory of Zack.

He had an article written about him in SI not too long ago, after he turned mine and the rest of the world’s heads towards him.

He came into the game as skilled as a young player can be, and dominated in his rookie season.

He became the royals pitcher of the year as a rookie.

It’s not really saying much, because its the royals, but a rookie doing that is still awesome.

Then he became unamused with the game.

It was boring to him, dominating at such a young age.

He even didn’t like pitching as much as hitting.

He felt like he was forced to become a pitcher.

He one time promised he’d throw a 50-mph curveball in the next inning he pitched.

50 mph is amazingly slow, kids in 5th grade can get that high with a fastball.

He threw it to Dmitri Young (what a perfect person to throw it to), and it looped in there slow as possible.

The mph reading?

50 on the dot.

He eventually had problems mentally and took a year or two off of baseball.

He had severe depression issues and finally sorted them out after a while.

He came back about 3 years later and continued his domination.

Now he puts the royals on his back, and is capable of making his own baseball league.

Like a blitz, but baseball.

He’d be the only one that didn’t cheat, and i’m sure he’d still dom the whole league.

He and nelson cruz should go together into the ZNBL.

Zack-Nelson Baseball League.

Where Fun Happens.

I can see it now.

What a stud.

What a stud.

This is actually the exact pitch where zack threw the 50-mph curveball.

But wait!?! Isn’t Dmitri’s bat broken?

Yes, it is. But Dmitri is so cocky he heard the comment from zacky and assumed he could hit that pitch with a broken bat so he tried.

And failed miserably.

"hey next time i'm gonna throw a 100 mph change-up." "Is that possible?" "Don't question me stupid catcher"

"hey next time i'm gonna throw a 100 mph change-up." "Is that possible?" "Don't question me stupid catcher"

What a rough guy.

Don’t mess with Zacky, or as he shall now be called, the Royal(e) with Cheese.

Pronounced roy-al.

This is a graph.

This is a graph.

It’s basically the red and pink dots versus the blue and green.

I hope the blue and green ones win, that’d be cool.

Actually this is some odd pitch chart that shows the break of all his pitches.

It’s good to have a graph like this, just in case you uneducated fools didn’t know.

See what i did there??????????????^________^

just in case.

as if he were named Justin Case.

Or Just Incase.

how ironic.

Jussi Jokinen

April 14, 2009


What the Hell Rocco Baldelli?!?

April 11, 2009

So Rocco Baldelli “was” my idol.

He, cliff floyd and mo vaughn.

All-star lineup, i know.

But now that list is just down to two men.

Cliff and Mo.

Why you ask?

Rocco signed by his own will with the Red Sox.

Nobody in their right mind would do that.

Not after being the only team that beat the BoSux in the playoffs.

He’s now a sellout and has no soul.

He is even on the Rhode Island “mount rushmore” thing that Sportscenter did over the summer.

That was cool, but Rocco didn’t get any tv time so i was upset.

Then to learn my number 1 idol is now on my 2nd least favorite team?

I might die.

I don’t need a future mvp(rocco) learning from a past mvp(dustin tool pedroia) how to “hit the high fastball on mlb 09 the show”.

What a terrible commercial.

I don’t want Rocco to stoop to that level.

He doesn’t need to be “scrappy” or “pesky”.

He needs to be Rocco, which was a beast.

I thought i could at leas trust in Rocco, but now i don’t know what to do.

I can’t trust baseball anymore.

at least he left the tag on the bottom of the hat.

at least he left the tag on the bottom of the hat.

He doesn’t look very happy to be a sellout.

He probably already lost his soul anyway.

this is the way things should be:

how can you not want this??

how can you not want this??

It almost looks like he’s conquering the skyline of Tampa.

But the skyline is just a net for batting practice.

So it works on two levels.

I want the old, smarter rocco back.

Not a soul-less sellout.

Alex Roidriguez

April 8, 2009


I’d rather die than seeing that…

I hope he comes back to the yanks and sucks real bad.

Because the yankees are like the baseball version of the spurs.

Red Sox too.

So now all yankees and red sox have no souls, no excuses.

I would defend Paps because i kindof like him

but if you’ve seen the young man you know for a fact he has no soul.

He’s just like the devil, and he takes your soul.

With that stare, he penetrates your defense and then takes your soul.

And because he’s the devil, on top of that he’ll get you out.



this next picture isn’t scary at first, but once you realize what’s happening, it’s deathly scary.

Look at his face. And then look at him sucking the soul out of his own baby before it's even alive.

Look at his face. And then look at him sucking the soul out of his own baby before it's even alive.

Full sized just to catch the deetz.

What a devil

and i like how this talked about hating on a-rod to how paps is a devil.

I’m just able to go on that tangent 24/7.

Opening Day Starters

April 8, 2009

So baseball season has began, along with the fantasy season that everyone loves.

And many pitchers that were in the Cy Young running were trashed in their first outing.

Tim Lincecum, CC Sabathia, Cliff Lee, Roy Halladay(to an extent), James Shields, and Brandon Webb.

Last year Cliff Lee and Brandon Webb jumped off to great undefeated starts.

Roy Halladay was consistently beastly all season.

CC picked up the slack after his trade, and Shields picked up around mid-season.

Tim Lincecum was just Tim Lincecum, so he was purely amazing all season.

But this year all of them have ERAs that are off the charts, but mostly because they have had only one bad start.

Don’t fret fans, all of these pitchers, especially the “Say-K Kid” will have stellar seasons.

Not all will be Cy Young seasons, but all will top-tier pitchers as expected.

Fantasy owners: keep them, unless they all go 0-5 or have a 2-2 record with an insanely high ERA.

USA should not worry that Lincecum had one bad outing, he will be back to his goofy windup/dominating self sooner than expected.

He might pitch on 1 day’s rest just to prove it to you ignorant people.

They can only go up from here.

Diggin' the fam Cliff. Keep the bitty in good shape.

Diggin' the fam Cliff. Keep the bitty in good shape.

Manu is Gone-u

April 8, 2009

Manu Ginobli.


Best words to ever be uttered by anything but a cow.

Get it? Cows have utters.

But it’s not good because a person is hurt, it’s good because a spur is hurt.

Essentially, when you go to the spurs, you lose your soul.

So then, you aren’t a person, and i can be happy that you are hurt.

So there you have it, spurs aren’t human, and now they can’t make it past the 2nd round, if they even make it through the first.

I am going to go on a limb and say they won’t make the playoffs.

And yes, you’re going to ask “hey didn’t they clinch a spot and are currently at the 2 or 3 seed? There’s no way they can get out!!”

But david stern will say that they are a now even more boring team with out Girl-u and will automatically put Charlotte in their spot.

Isn’t charlotte in the east?

Yeah, but aren’t the grizzlies in memphis, which is further east than cleveland?

Aren’t the raptors in a totally different country?

Aren’t the OKC Thunder gonna be amazing in a year or two with the possibility of getting Blizzy Blake Griffin?

All yesses(whoaaaaaa new word).

Charlotte will be the 2 seed, and with the power of Gerald Wallace, they will make it to the finals against cleveland, and then it doesn’t matter who wins, i will be happy.

Why Spurs?? Why have you taken my soul?

Why Spurs?? Why have you taken my soul?

Steve Nash’s shoes

April 5, 2009

And no, he’s not following the wonderful Starbury and even Al Harrington fad.

He’s not giving sweet shoes away for a low price (i can’t really say that al’s are that sweet though)

But he is using Nike’s “Trash Talk” shoes that are made all 100% of recycled goods.

And yes, the “trash talk” name is legit.

It’s wordplay good enough for fantastik sports or even jason mraz.

I said it, mhm.

But they actually look awesome for shoes that are made of recycled goods.

Here is a picture of them:

These are the shoes. They are pretty tizzy.

These are the shoes. They are pretty tizzy.

Now he did wear these in the All-star games so you may be asking why i’m writing this so late.

But he just started re-wearing them in honor of NBA Green Week.

I also like this idea.

I’m no hippy, but i do enjoy saving the planet in any easy way posible.

It’s good that the NBA is giving this attention too.

Now the only way that Nash could have gotten this idea is from Goran Dragic and Louis Amundson helping him out with the idea.

There’s really no other explanation.

Try and give me one, comment or something.

It’s not going to be as good as Dragic and Amundson.

Irony: do you think a child laborer made Nash’s shoes?


Jay Cutler

April 2, 2009

word on the street is jay cutler is on the market.

i actually read that on the road by my house, crazy huh?!?

so yeah, jay cut-her (that’s the best i had on short notice, sorry) is now “on the market”

says trent dilfer.

who is a bald, chunky, big, former qb.

i’m shocked the guy was a qb because he’s so large.

but what do i know about qb size?


Jay is a perfect fit in dallas because he is a qb that can actually lead a team and win games in the playoffs, or even get his team to the playoffs.

I know they didn’t make it last season, but hey neither did dallas, so why can’t he work?

he actually pushed his team to half a game out of the playoffs, whereas the ‘boys choked on their chance to make it in by getting dominated.

he’s defffff an upgrade from Tony “Turnover” Romo

and no, not an apple turnover, a turnover like fumbles, pics, and being stupid.

Jay had a better qb rating, and had to have less turnovers.

My campaign is to now get Jay because he can throw the ball really far!


but seriously, he’s probably a better qb than tony already, and will be much better in the future.



first pic under jay cutler.

but thats not the one i’m talking about

although i was gunna full-screen that but i didn’t want his muscles to be too big.

"This throw is goin to land in France. I hope they know how to catch there."

"This throw is goin to land in France. I hope they know how to catch there."

Jay was also in south park, and tony wasn’t.

Jay also looks sweet in every pic besides the one espn had for him in fantasy football last season, so we can still have a “pretty boy” leading “america’s team”.

Although he’s pretty, and good.

No hate to tony romo, Jay is just an upgrade.

Like BeYonCeE.

Thank you, Adam Dunn

March 24, 2009

As we all know Adam Dunn basically tried to lose the WBC for US (the United States)

he was probably paid off, and i don’t blame him for accepting.

He’s so bad he can’t make money from teams or incentives from having a high enough average.

The only incentive possible for him to get is strike out less than \infty.

Awwwwww shoot, bringin back infinity guyz.

But seriously, he strikes out more than Ryan Howard and every NL pitcher besides Tim Lincecum.

He’s a very bad player.

Err, he’s not even a player.

He’s a hitter.

a 1-tool “player”.

a 1-tool guy?

It only fits because he’s a tool.

I don’t even know what to call him.

Besides sucky.

When he’s at the plate the ball ends up in two places: the catcher’s glove because of a strikeout, or the stands because of a homerun.

I don’t like that, not at all.

He can’t throw, but he plays in the outfield, so that’s a problem.

He’s slower than a 13 year olds curveball in the LLWS.

He makes poor fielding choices when he’s not in the outfield.

I think he belongs in the LLWS with the skill set he has.

He gave up 3 sac flys in the semis against japan because he can’t throw from the outfield to home plate, let alone the cut off man 10 feet away from him.

I’ll give you a picture of how bad he is as evidence.

I’ll probably have to explain it for you to understand.

The funny thing about this picture is the fact that he was out sliding into second after he hit the ball out of the park.

The funny thing about this picture is the fact that he was out sliding into second after he hit the ball out of the park.

What does that caption mean?

It means he so slow, that after he hit a homerun against arizona, he slid into second late because the team had enough time to go into the stands, try and get the ball from the unlucky fan that caught it, negotiated with him, went into a full-scale debate with evidence and strategies I can’t even explain (I see you Mr. Batik), eventually paid him off, and got it and even ran it to second base.

Yes, he was late after that play.

Why does everyone have to be paid off?

Greedy americans…

"Yessssss! I screwed America and got paid extra for it! I'm such a genius."

"Yessssss! I screwed America and got paid extra for it! I'm such a genius."