Archive for May, 2009

Cleveland doesn’t think they’re good enough

May 25, 2009

I found a nice video on espn about how good the Cleveland area thinks their teams are.

Even the newscasters have doubt in their beloved Cavaliers.

http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=4201858&categoryid=2378529

They even throw out phrases like “we’ll get them next year”

“I’m cancelling my sports illustrated”

and then after they show us some weather, which looks just awful until the upcoming friday, the sports guy goes crazy because he’s obviously watching the game on a tv off to the side.

Remember, this is the game LeBrawn hits a 3 to win with 1 second on the game clock.

He couldn’t care less about the weather.

How rude.

And then after last night’s game, the people probably doubted the cavs even more and assume it’s over after just one loss.

Hopefully they don’t treat baseball the same way.

It’s still a 7 game series folks, don’t give up yet.

Btdubz, Syracuse plays Cornell at 12 central time on espn.

Watch it, and watch my boys tear up the little red.

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There’s a problem in the MLB

May 18, 2009

So not too long ago, i wrote an article about bobby jenkz throwing at ian kinsler, a jew.

And he was only fined $750 for doing so.

Well in a weekend game against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and We Can’t Pick One City So We’ll Take Two Angels, John Lackey was the starting pitcher.

And on the first throw, he threw behind the rangers leadoff hitter.

Who just happens to be the same jew that was targeted by Bobby Jenks.

That’s not a big problem, it happens often.

So on the second pitch, Lackey just “happened” to hit Ian.

Targeting Jews in baseball never seemed like a problem, but now it’s ever so present.

Kevin Youkilis should be warned, but nobody would ever hurt him.

It’s only because Ian is so gentle and nice.

So i will personally protect ian for the rest of the season, with my bare fists.

I still don’t think Ian knows the whole world of nazis are coming after him.

Jenks, Lackey, who’s next?

what the hell does this have to do with john lackey?

what the hell does this have to do with john lackey?

Celtics vs Magic series

May 13, 2009

This is a pretty good series, and there are many key matchups that determine the series.

I’m here to break down the biggest ones for you.

Don’t thank me, i’m doing it for myself.

Matchup #1

Stephon Marbury vs Anthony Johnson.

The head tat has had it goin on recently, so Starbury has the edge now.

But johnson’s veteran experience, and i mean VETERAN experience, can come through in the clutch in games 6 and 7.

johnson has been in the playoffs 6 times, and 2 of which he played one series.

and he has only been a slight force once.

and starbury had one good game, so this is the key little man matchup in all of the playoffs.

hahahhahahahhahahahaha. what a sweet jersey.

hahahhahahahhahahahaha. what a sweet jersey.

Matchup #2, for the big boys.

Marcin Gortat and Brian Scalabrine.

Both are the definition of big men.

Apparently Gortat is “getting offers from everyone in the leage” says Reggie Miller.

That’s obviously wrong,

i mean have you seen his nose?

nobody wants that nose bringing them down.

But he’s actually played well, so good for him.

Personally, i just straight up down right hate brian scalaweenie.

He looks dumb, shouldn’t wear a headband, and is the big man version of JJ redick(foreshadowing).

His numbers don’t matter because he’s a ginger.

So gortat get’s the nod in this crucial big boy matchup.

This next picture is utterly amazing, like it’ll blow your mind.

oh lord

oh lord

NO COMMENT.

that’s probably the most emphatic no comment ever.

here's the ring that i don't deserve!!!

here's the ring that i don't deserve!!!

and the final matchup: JJ redick vs Eddie House.

I know you’re saying, whoaaaaaaaa welikesportz, those two people are actually good!!

well house is, and jj is ehh.

House is a pure shooter, and i hate his beard with a passion.

jj is pretty much a shooter too, but he has the ability to score on the dribble/layups.

Eddie is afraid of the painted area on the floor and maybe has taken two steps into the arc, not counting cuts.

He actually told doc rivers to not make him run through screens in the paint because he thought he’d get burnt or sucked into it.

Doc referred him to Erick Dampier, who literally sits in the paint for 20 seconds each posession.

They got along poorly.

Bobby Jenks is a nazi

May 12, 2009

So i read today that Bobby Jenks of the chi-sox was fined for a purpose pitch.

and i proceeded to read into it.

Turns out B-jenkz was fined a whopping $750 for throwing behind ian kinsler of the texas rangers.

I know, 750 is a lot to anyone reading this blog, but to people this is about, 750 is like buying an all you can eat buffet at cici’s.

Now i’m craving cici’s!

But here’s the important part.

The pitch was thrown behind ian kinsler.

Ian kinsler, as you all know, is a jew, and not only a jew, but THE BEST jew in baseball.

I stand behind that also, so take that.

Now Jenks admitted that he threw it on purpose in retaliation to all of his teammates getting hit by texas IN THE PAST.

Who does that? I don’t hit you because of something you said a few weeks ago.

Mostly because i can’t cyber-slap you.

But that excuse is total poop.

I know why he threw it.

Because Ian is jewish, and Jenkz is trying to start anti-semitism in the us today.

It is now necessary to make the jump that Jenkz is at least an anti-semitist, and at the most to being a nazi.

Adolf Bobby Jenks.

ABJ

how clever.

here is ozzie's sign to the mound for jenkz to exterminate the jew. because we only have one that i know of

here is ozzie's sign to the mound for jenkz to exterminate the jew. because we only have one that i know of

The Dallas Gag-ricks

May 11, 2009

First off, it’s not all the refs fault.

Laying it out there now.

Go ahead and close the window, i don’t care.

I already got your hit which is so very important to me.

But if you care to be enlightened, i can tell you why the gags deserve this name.

3 points:

1. Missing free throws in the last minutes of the game.

2. Going away from the offense that worked throughout the third and early fourth.

3. Not playing through the whistle.

4. Dirk can’t jump straight up/poor 3-pointer selection and overall shot selection.

Okk there are 4, but only because the 4th came to mind while i typed the other three.

so to address number one, free throws.

Free throws are the most basic shot in basketball besides a layup.

That is the only shot besides a layup you shoot your whole life.

3 pointers are out of the question when you’re 6.

And they are FREE throws.

No defenders, at your own home court, and the 3 highest percentage shooters on our team miss 3 big ones in the last half of the quarter.

ohhhhhh wahhh only 3 free throws missed.

Wouldn’t you enjoy those extra 3 points now after the game?

How about just one?

Dirk, who shoots about 91%, terry, who shoots near 80%, and j-ho, who shoots 83% all missed free throws when it counted.

Sure, we went 40-49 and shot 81% for the game, but  3 of those misses were in crunch time.

Gotta get those gimmies when you’re given them.

Cool line huh?^^

2. In the third and 4th quarters, we were pouring in points.

Almost every possession resulted in a basket, no matter how many offensive rebounds we got.

we put in 35 points in the third, which was more than the nuggs had in any quarter.

Going into the last 6 minutes of the fourth, we were rollin’.

But then the offense switched from layups, dunks, and free throws to jumpers.

The old maverick curse.

A jumpshooting team is always a jumpshooting team when it’s true identity is revealed.

Pretty philosophical, i must say.

3. I know antoine thought he fouled him, and it looked like he did.

But never stop until the whistle is blown.

You also learn that as a kid.

Maybe you should follow Jon Barry’s advice and let the ref know you’re gonna foul him, and not complain to the ref while your offensive assignment fires up a wide open three.

Just a suggestion.

and 4. Dirk can’t jump straight/poor shot selection.

The second half of this goes with the changing of the offense point.

But a problem i have with Dirk is his unclutchness along with his inability to jump straight upwards on a jumper instead of straight backwards.

Doing this would make the shot much easier, conisdering he’s higher and closer, and require less effort.

He also makes it easier to block if he goes straight back.

If he goes straight up, he might get fouled and even make the shot.

Then he’ll get two points and it doesn’t matter if he chokes at the free throw line.

So tonight the gags go out to remain a little shard of dignity and hopefully not get swept.

So it’s not all the refs fault…

Brett Favre Comeback, part deux

May 7, 2009

As oxymoronical as this title is, it’s nearly true.

Favre has talked to Brad Childress, head coach of the minnesota adrian peterson’s(jk, they also have a defense), and he is interested in joining the team.

To stick it to the packers?

if that’s so he shouldn’t do it.

If he wants to stick it to the packers he should let a-rod (aaron rodgers) start for the pack and see how awful they will be again.

Their high-point is mason crosby, their kicker.

His cousin goes to my school, shoutout to harry.

and greg jennings is prettay good himself, but aaron gets hurt too much.

But if brett does in fact play in minny, he can have a decent season at least.

The weather won’t affect him as much, playing in the dome on turf.

He’ll also have adrian all-day peterson in the backfield to give him some relief.

Along with 2 scrub qbs after him, so no threat of being overthrown.

He will still have to play in chicago and green bay in winter, but it won’t be as stiff competition as the jets had.

Patriots, Steelers.

Even those two teams alone will wear you out.

So brett, don’t come back again.

Please.

For your own sake.

You’re ruining your reputation and historical life by doing this crap twice.

If someone wanted you before, you would’ve had a contract offer on the table.

If you retire after every season you play, it’ll get old.

I think he’s just going for attention, like the boy who cried wolf.

He’ll retire so much we don’t believe he’s retiring, and when he does, we’ll be so happy.

So there’s a twist, but still.

Goin  back to the childhood is wuzzup.

"Man, I wish you guys would just pay more attention to me so i don't have to retire every year. I hate you!"

"Man, I wish you guys would just pay more attention to me so i don't have to retire every year. I hate you!"

Zack Greinke, out of this world

May 5, 2009

This kid is amazing.

He turned my attention to him after his 2nd and 3rd starts which increased his scoreless streak over 30 games and had an amazing ERA, WHIP and K’s.

Now, he sits 6 starts in, at 6-0, 54 k’s, 0.4 ERA, .84 WHIP, and 6 hits per 9 innings.

Everyone knows how important wins, era, and k’s are.

But WHIP is actually an underrated stat along with h/9.

WHIP is walks and hits per inning pitched.

So basically, Zack lets less than one person on per inning pitched.

He’s had 3 complete games, with 2 shutouts, one of which came last night against a powerful Chicago white sox team.

He’a number one in baseball, including hitters and pitchers according to yahoo’s fantasy stats.

45 innings pitched, 2 earned runs.

Unheard of.

But the amazing thing is the backstory of Zack.

He had an article written about him in SI not too long ago, after he turned mine and the rest of the world’s heads towards him.

He came into the game as skilled as a young player can be, and dominated in his rookie season.

He became the royals pitcher of the year as a rookie.

It’s not really saying much, because its the royals, but a rookie doing that is still awesome.

Then he became unamused with the game.

It was boring to him, dominating at such a young age.

He even didn’t like pitching as much as hitting.

He felt like he was forced to become a pitcher.

He one time promised he’d throw a 50-mph curveball in the next inning he pitched.

50 mph is amazingly slow, kids in 5th grade can get that high with a fastball.

He threw it to Dmitri Young (what a perfect person to throw it to), and it looped in there slow as possible.

The mph reading?

50 on the dot.

He eventually had problems mentally and took a year or two off of baseball.

He had severe depression issues and finally sorted them out after a while.

He came back about 3 years later and continued his domination.

Now he puts the royals on his back, and is capable of making his own baseball league.

Like a blitz, but baseball.

He’d be the only one that didn’t cheat, and i’m sure he’d still dom the whole league.

He and nelson cruz should go together into the ZNBL.

Zack-Nelson Baseball League.

Where Fun Happens.

I can see it now.

What a stud.

What a stud.

This is actually the exact pitch where zack threw the 50-mph curveball.

But wait!?! Isn’t Dmitri’s bat broken?

Yes, it is. But Dmitri is so cocky he heard the comment from zacky and assumed he could hit that pitch with a broken bat so he tried.

And failed miserably.

"hey next time i'm gonna throw a 100 mph change-up." "Is that possible?" "Don't question me stupid catcher"

"hey next time i'm gonna throw a 100 mph change-up." "Is that possible?" "Don't question me stupid catcher"

What a rough guy.

Don’t mess with Zacky, or as he shall now be called, the Royal(e) with Cheese.

Pronounced roy-al.

This is a graph.

This is a graph.

It’s basically the red and pink dots versus the blue and green.

I hope the blue and green ones win, that’d be cool.

Actually this is some odd pitch chart that shows the break of all his pitches.

It’s good to have a graph like this, just in case you uneducated fools didn’t know.

See what i did there??????????????^________^

just in case.

as if he were named Justin Case.

Or Just Incase.

how ironic.

Sidney vs. Ovie

May 5, 2009

This is the epic semifinal matchup in the east.

Pens vs Caps.

Caps vs Pens.

Playmaker vs pure-scorer/does everything player.

Sid may be the person you want to start a team with, because he gets assists and scores, but ovie also gets assists, scores, sets a physical presence, and is much stronger and whines less.

You can tell who i like in this matchup.

But tonight they both played evenly.

3 goals a piece

I couldn’t find whether this has happened before or not, so i’m going to assume it never has.

2 opponents getting hat tricks in the same playoff game.

the first playoff hat trick for each just so you know.

But now we know who actually has teammates.

Ovie, because he didn’t do 100% of the scoring.

just 75%.

Plus ovie celebrates more, and his are more fun.

the board slam is classic.

even something he does that is normal is so much cooler because it’s him.

and i have ovie’s t-shirt jersey and not sid’s.

nothing against sid, he’s a great player and is awful at growing facial hair, but he’s no fun.

Grow a beard, lose a tooth, drive over 200 mph in a new car, come from russia, stop whining.

all things sid should ddo that ovie does.

look at this feeble attempt at growing facial hair. I can do that.

look at this feeble attempt at growing facial hair. I can do that.

^^^^^^^^^^^ This is the reason the pens lost!!

ovie is the man.

Jussi Jokinen is turrin’ up the Playoffs

May 2, 2009

Jussi now plays for the Carolina Hurricanes who shocked the New Jersey Devils in the first round.

How did they shock them?

An upset, along with monster series’ from Eric Staal and Jussi himself.

Jussi had 3 goals and an assist in that series, and one goal was a the game-tying goal in game 7 with 1:20 left past THE Marty Brodeur, and another was a game winning goal.

This season, Jussi had 6 goals in 72 games this year split with Carolina and Tampa Bay.

This postseason, he’s racked up 4 goals in 8 games.

He’s definitely outperforming himself, and i like it.

I used to like him for his shootout prowess and overall swag, but now that he’s actually playing well and in the playoffs of all places, he’s on his way up in the NHL.

He’ll never be an Ovechkin or Crosby or Kane.

But he’ll be Jussi, and thats all you can want with him.

I don’t know if the shootout rule holds up in the NHL playoffs, but if it did Carolina would have a dynamite shooter in the shootout after one overtime.

In the regular season, after one overtime, the game moves to a shootout to decide a winner in a more exciting way.

If this rule continues into the playoffs, Carolina will have Staal and Jokinen in the shootout, and often 2 goals can make or break the shootout.

So carolina, enjoy Jussi as he plays well and cherish him as he deserves.

If you don’t(like Dallas), he will leave you and once you see his progress you will want him back.

He may just play on every team before he’s done with his career, and i don’t have a problem with that.

what a celebration. oh yeah, and this was against his former team.

what a celebration. oh yeah, and this was against his former team.

I ❤ Jussi.