Archive for March, 2009

Birdman Daddy

March 30, 2009

pullin up in that brand new caddy.

Sorry, just finished off the line because i had to.

Now this is not the rapper birdman, although this birdman could definitely rap very very well.

This is the birdman that has jumped around (literally) from new orleans to denver.

I see you LeBrawn.

I see you LeBrawn.

I have no clue why anyone would drop this guy.

Denver is lucky to have him, no matter how they did get him.

He is a block machine, has swag, and can even put in points on sweet dunks on offense.

This. Is. The. Birdman.

notice the wings on his inner biceps.

notice the wings on his inner biceps.

I just had to full-size that mug.

It’s a wonder to look at, and it makes me want to be him.

In the game against Dallas friday night, he had 3 blocks on ONE POSESSION.

One was a good one, the second one was just batted because wright just tossed it up 3 feet to the left of the basket, and the third was another good one on a drive.

The second one shouldn’t haveĀ  been swatted, and maybe grabbed by the Birdman.

But instead, his swag instinct got “in the way” and knew that if he swatted that one, he would get a chance to swat the third one.

After the third swat, his team got a fastbreak.

He even hurt himself after the first block, and used it as a diversion to swat the last 2 shots.

He’s even a genius.

He’s a dunk contest contestant.

Anyone that even gets in the contest gets my attention.

And the swag-tastic swat he had on Rudy Fernandez that led to his “My Dougie” celebration cemented him as a legend in we like sportz history.

So as a future fantasy superstar, a swag leader like Eric Devendorf, and a force inside on both sides of the court leads him to the top of the pack of centers next season.

Even over D-wight Howard.

Sorry d, but how can you go against this?

you can't

you can't

You can’t

oops, i said that twice.

Well i meant it twice.

So deal with it sista.

Yes, I’m assuming you’re all girls that read this.

My All-NCAA March Madness Team

March 28, 2009

Here i will give you my opinion on the best players in the NCAA Tournament.

First off, at starting PG, we have no other than Johnny Flynn.

The Syracuse Point Guard has been playing well all year, and has definitely stepped up during the tourney.

He led the team using his speed, ability to get to the basket, and scrappy defense to get steals.

And thanks to the seeding committee trying to get me to have internal problems, they put my two favorite teams against each other in an obvious sweet 16 matchup.

Thanks, i am now holding a grudge against you.

At starting SG, Tyreke Evans of Memphis.

Even though he’s actually a pg, Tyreke is more of a scorer, so he gets the nod at sg.

He’s dropped 33, 19, and 15 (in a joke game).

He averaged about 23 points per game in this tournament and just got out to the mizzou team that i’m riding the wagon with.

SF: Terrence Williams of Louisville.

The kid can flat out play, and nearly had a trip-dub against Arizona when his team won by 40.

The possibility of the matchup between Mizzou and Louisville makes me happy all over.

PF: J’Nathan Bullock, Cleveland State.

With a sweet name like this, you have to know i would pick him for this.

With the stats and the hair to back it up, this spot was a guarantee.

I can only imagine the chemistry and the fun that would ensue with J’Nathan and this next player.

C: DeMarre “The Junkyard Dog” Carroll, Missouri.

Leads a beast mizzou team, and even though he isn’t a center, on this team people have to be moved around.

He’s a tenacious defender and a great scorer, and he’s like an offensive Hasheem Thabeet.

Thabeet stands in the paint on D to get blocks, whereas DeMarre gets blocks, steals, and actually scores on offense.

The Head Coach: it doesn’t matter, anyone, including myself, could lead this team to victory by not even showing up to their games.

The Bench:

Ben Woodside, North Dakota State.

averaged 37 points per game.

and i say game because he only played one.

If he had pulled off the upset over Kansas, which he just might’ve done, his average would’ve skyrocketed against the dayton flyers.

Andy Rautins, Syracuse.

Everyone needs that dynamite 3-point shooter, and i found him.

Jeff Pendergraph, Az State.

I like his last name, and he looks a little like Tyson Chandler.

Those looks can only help his skills.

Eric Devendorf, Syracuse.

Everyone needs that trash-talker, along with pretty good skill set.

And when he, Rautins, and Flynn are on the court the SU big three can give you an easy victory.

Blake Griffin, Oklahoma.

Just because he’s all the way down here doesn’t mean he’s the worst player on the team.

He’s actually the best player on this bench, and was only beat out for the starters job because of the possible chemistry between Bullock and Carroll.

Mr. Double-Double has also scored 30 points at least twice, and is excited to tear up the future-non-NBA talent Tyler Hansborough.

He called me after the game and said so.

So there you have it, the best 10-man roster to ever be conceived anywhere near a basketball court.

Please tell me who you think should’ve been on this, i’d like to know your concerns.

Louis Amundson

March 26, 2009

As i sit here with my Sacajawea one dollar coin, i looked at the espn bottomline.

and i see that nene (no accent needed) head-butted Louis Amundson of the suns

who?

oh yeah, that guy who got into ANOTHER FIGHT with zach randolph

why is this young male always involved in the fights, especially being the one getting owned??

Is it because he’s jealous of his all-star teammate,

Goran Dragic that is…

no, he’s not

is he a trash-talker, and a baiter, like bruce bowen?

no, and i hate bruce bowen.

"i'm a dirty player, i kick people in the face, and punch them in the nuts'

"i'm a dirty player, i kick people in the face, and punch them in the nuts'

the reason louis amundson always gets owned in these NBA fights is this:

drum roll…….

get excited…….

it’s because he’s ugly.

this is a perfect time to use the quote from stepbrothers:

“I don’t know what it is about your face, but god damn -holds up fist- i just want to deliver one of these right to your suck hole.”

It’s when randy says that brennan’s face is so ugly he just wants to beat it to a pulp.

Zach randolph had the same approach when he “punched” him in the face.

punch is in quotes because apparently if zach “had actually punched him, he’d be out for the count”

I like to hear that, it’s funny.

but its not funny that they pick on the ugly guys in the NBA.

Roger Goodell, yes Roger Goodell, not david stern, needs to get in this.

i only capitalize Roger Goodell, not stern or selig, they can deal.

It’s because Roger has a dictator-like “rule” over his league, and he should “rule” all sports league.

Poor louis amundson, maybe he should get less ugly.

Surgery?

Too much, don’t forget, he plays on the suns and he sucks.

My reccomendation, you ask?

he needs to wear a mask.

not a rip hamilton mask, you can see through that.

not lucious harris either, you could see through that, and he also sucked.

i remember one time in the playoffs he took it off in desperation during a timeout to maybe bring some luck on his next shot. he missed, and the nets lost. sweet d00d

i remember one time in the playoffs he took it off in desperation during a timeout to maybe bring some luck on his next shot. he missed, and the nets lost. sweet d00d

He needs to wear the V for Vendetta mask.

That’d be epic.

And we’d never have to see his ugly face!

win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win.

that many wins.

he looks like he belongs in hanson. that's not good, that makes him ugly

he looks like he belongs in hanson. that's not good, that makes him ugly

NBA MVP

March 24, 2009

The race is obviously between 3 deserving gentlemen.

Maybe two, in my opinion.

The Two?

LeBron and D-wade.

Sorry, Kobe, nobody likes you.

If you weren’t on the lakers, the world would be a better place and they wouldn’t even be that bad.

If LeBron weren’t so amazing, i would feel the same to him.

His team would be about decent without him, but still worse than the lakers.

But in miami, if dwayne wade is not on the team, they’re worse than the OKC Thunder.

Much, much worse.

They’ve got Beasley and an 90 year old Jermaine O’Neal.

Good luck beating the Cal Tech with that team.

If you’re going by statistics, LeBron is easily the favorite and D-wade is close behind.

Kobe knows how to score, and is decent with bounds and dimes.

LeBron and Wade are both tearin up the scene, recently achieving near triple-doubles repeatedly.

Because of the way Wade carries the heat, he should be the MVP.

But the only thing i don’t like about br0n-bron is the state farm commercial where he finds the “crappy” CD at the car accident.

I know he wants the money, but seriously LeBron?

You can’t crack those terrible jokes and pull off those horrid dance moves and expect to gain respect or not lose it.

C’mon LeBron, you can do so much better.

Like the 80 foot shots on the Powerade commercial!

that was greatness.

or the vitaminwater courtroom commercial.

that was even more perfect.

“Besides.. dude’s fakin'”

gets me every time.

Ball, please tell me why i won't be MVP? I even drink Vitaminwater!!

Ball, please tell me why i won't be MVP? I even drink Vitaminwater!!

Dwayne wade, MVP, 2009.

Thank you, Adam Dunn

March 24, 2009

As we all know Adam Dunn basically tried to lose the WBC for US (the United States)

he was probably paid off, and i don’t blame him for accepting.

He’s so bad he can’t make money from teams or incentives from having a high enough average.

The only incentive possible for him to get is strike out less than \infty.

Awwwwww shoot, bringin back infinity guyz.

But seriously, he strikes out more than Ryan Howard and every NL pitcher besides Tim Lincecum.

He’s a very bad player.

Err, he’s not even a player.

He’s a hitter.

a 1-tool “player”.

a 1-tool guy?

It only fits because he’s a tool.

I don’t even know what to call him.

Besides sucky.

When he’s at the plate the ball ends up in two places: the catcher’s glove because of a strikeout, or the stands because of a homerun.

I don’t like that, not at all.

He can’t throw, but he plays in the outfield, so that’s a problem.

He’s slower than a 13 year olds curveball in the LLWS.

He makes poor fielding choices when he’s not in the outfield.

I think he belongs in the LLWS with the skill set he has.

He gave up 3 sac flys in the semis against japan because he can’t throw from the outfield to home plate, let alone the cut off man 10 feet away from him.

I’ll give you a picture of how bad he is as evidence.

I’ll probably have to explain it for you to understand.

The funny thing about this picture is the fact that he was out sliding into second after he hit the ball out of the park.

The funny thing about this picture is the fact that he was out sliding into second after he hit the ball out of the park.

What does that caption mean?

It means he so slow, that after he hit a homerun against arizona, he slid into second late because the team had enough time to go into the stands, try and get the ball from the unlucky fan that caught it, negotiated with him, went into a full-scale debate with evidence and strategies I can’t even explain (I see you Mr. Batik), eventually paid him off, and got it and even ran it to second base.

Yes, he was late after that play.

Why does everyone have to be paid off?

Greedy americans…

"Yessssss! I screwed America and got paid extra for it! I'm such a genius."

"Yessssss! I screwed America and got paid extra for it! I'm such a genius."

Curt Schilling should be a Hall of Famer

March 23, 2009

curtThanks Curt.

Why does this sock have to be a Red Sox one though?

That’s the only thing you did wrong, become a bit of a sellout.

Everyone that plays for the Red Sox is a sellout, no exceptions.

At least the blood was kindof in the shape of Oklahoma.

That sure helps.

Co-MVP of world series, multiple world series championships(some with REd Sox, boooo)

winner in our hearts.

The Wonder that is Tim Lincecum

March 22, 2009

Tim Lincecum.

Tiny Tim

The Freak

The Say “K” Kid

Cy Young Winner

Number 55

These are just a few of the nicknames that the beast named Tim Lincecum can go by.

Tim Lincecum is tiny.

He is tall, but he weighs near nothing.

6 foot plus, and about 25 pounds.

He sleeps on a cotton ball and wears extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-small shirts and has a waist of 6 inches.

And he’s still one of the best pitchers with a 95+ fastball, 10 inch breaking curve, and negative mph changeup.

NEGATIVE MPH!

NOT POSSIBLE, BUT TIM DOES IT.

it’s so slow, batters have to swing before he lets go of the ball.

I know you’re asking “Why should i like tim lincecum????”

Besides all these true facts above, i’ll give you reasons.

First of all, why not?

Here, I found a graph about Tim Lincecum.

It has 3 different colored dots included.

This is a graph.

This is a graph.

It’s a movement chart.

You can analyze that for yourself, but it’s good.

Trust me.

Another reason to like Timmy?

Tim and some scrub pitcher fishing.

Tim and some scrub pitcher fishing.

Tim likes fish

I used to hate fish

I now love fish

You should love fish too.

When you win a Cy Young as a rookie, i’ll like you as much as i like Tim

When you have a sweet throwing motion, i’ll like you as much as i like Tim

just look at this form!!!

Wowza!

Wowza!

My predctions for tim lincecum’s 2009 season.

First, he’s on my fantasy team.

Second, he will bat .400 with 20+ hr’s, 70+ rbis and 50+ runs.

He is in the NL so he has to bat so no, i’m not stupid.

and if he was in the AL they’d make him the DH because he’s such a good hitter.

He will pitch every inning of every game because he doesn’t get sore or ice his arm thanks to his throwing motion.

he will strike out 90% of hitters he faces, and the other 10% of outs will be golden glove plays by him.

He will give up 30 hits.

his walk to k ratio will be 0:\infty.

yup, infinity

that means he won’t walk anyone.

his era will be -1 and his whip(Walks and Hits per inning pitched) will be .001

and i will win my fantasy baseball season!

So thanks to tim, you now have a new hero, and i have a fantasy baseball championship belt.

Everyone’s happy.

Say “K” Kid.

Andy Rautins

March 13, 2009

Andy Rautins is a Jason Kapono-esque shooter that is just in college and can still be taught and (dare i say) better than Kapono.

Although Kapono is a 3-point champion and as clutch as it gets, Rautins has been just as clutch in his college career.

But nobody knows why Andy is so good as basketball.

Maybe his dad, who also went to SU?

No.

Maybe Coach Boeheim and the rest of his SU teammates?

No.

I am the only person that knows and soon you will be informed also.

There are no words that can be said about it, just this epic picture.

whaaaaa??

whaaaaa??

yes, andy rautins plays on canada’s national team, and got to defend barea.

yes, i said got to defend barea.

In doing this, rautins got to play with the future of the nba, which obviously affected his game and has formed him into the future 3-point champ that he is/will be.

JJ Barea has graced Puerto Rico, Dallas, and now even Rautins and SU with his presence.

What’s next??

Syracuse is BEast

March 13, 2009
Swag.

Swag.

First off, you’re welcome.

Second, if you didn’t watch the cuse vs. uconn game last night like i did (yes, all 4 hours, i’m awesome), then i’m sorry.

Jonny Flynn, Devendorf, Harris and Rautins tore up this whole game.

Rautins had 6 threes, at least 3 of which were clutch in ot, either forcing another ot or helping put the dagger in the 6th ot.

Harris had a 20-20 game, and should’ve had 30-20 with all those missed layups, but he still changed the game.

Devendorf hit a shot at the end of regulation that was .1 seconds late, and against seton hall hit a big 3 and celebrated in the picture shown at the intro.

Flynn was Flynn-tastic as always and at the end was the one of the two starters in the 6th OT.

But seeing Devendorf play that well last night reminded me of another syracuse great.

No, not derrick coleman.

Yes, Gerry McNamara.

He was the team a few years ago in the BEast tournament.

But i bet this BEast is confusing you.

It stands for two things, Beast as in a great player, and BEast like the Big East.

What a wonderful play on words.

You may say that you hate Devendorf, but for every person that hates him, i love him that much more.

He’s got game, swag, and is tatted up.

If you don’t believe me, just take a gander at this picture.

Yes, i'm a beast, i know.

Yes, i'm a beast, i know.

J.J. Barea

March 12, 2009

We have all read the article in the Dallas Morning News not too long ago about this young, living legend.

He’s a young 25, but mature beyond his years.

We’ve all memorized his stat line, 7.2 points, 2.2 rebs, 3.1 assists, .4 steals, and .1 blocks per game.

He’s got more blocks than Goran Dragic, so we know he’s HOF bound already.

He’s a battler (i see you Dallas Morning News), and he went to Northeastern, a proven school that’s spit out tons of NBA talent.

harry barnes, reggie lewis, rick weitzman.

The list goes on and on.

Oh, you’ve never heard of them?

Well then my presumably young friend, try getting educated on something that matters and then come back to my blog.

I even bought his T-shirt jersey because i know he would be relevant in a matter of time.

Lucky for me, it’s now.

he tore up phoenix last night at the beginning and is the main reason they didn’t lose the first half, let alone the game.

Sure dirk had 34, but only after JJ was so significant he drew countless triple and quadruple teams, even drawing the shaqtus himself(don’t worry about it) onto him.

you’re welcome dirk

-<3- JJ Barea

P.s. get more clutch, i’m tired of carrying this team.

This isn’t word for word what he said, but it has the same idea.

JJ is the future, present, and past of the Mavericks, let alone the NBA.

Yet another 3 pointer downed like i'm sippin dran-o. You're welcome dallas.

Yet another 3 pointer downed like i'm sippin dran-o. You're welcome dallas.