Archive for February, 2009

I don’t h8 duke.

February 28, 2009

This is just amazing.

Only someone like Corey Maggette can pull this off. And only because he went to duke.

We know the NBA doesn’t call traveling, and now i don’t have any problems with that.

What makes the vid is the frustration foul at the end, where he just brings the guy to the ground.

And then he looks to complain about the guy grabbing his arm or something and he has no legit complaint.

But i’ll side with him.

Why??

Because he can probably walk down the court without dribbling and switching his pivot foot every step, and not get called from the travel.

It’s probably his bright bald head causing a glare into the ref’s eyes, which totally blinds him.

Ever wonder why so many NBA players are bald?

Now you know.

You’re so welcome.

Is LeBrawn a theif? Yes. Maggs doesn't want dust on his head though

Is LeBrawn a theif? Yes. Maggs doesn't want dust on his head though

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This is just not fair

February 27, 2009

On the following video, you will see AJ Price from Uconn go against Jerel McNeal.

You may have seen this on SC top plays, but i’d like to call attention to it.

The real magic begins at 26 seconds, but you should start watching at like 20 so you don’t miss any magic.

Now that you’ve seen this wonderful display of basketball prowess, watch it again.

Notice this time not only the dirty crossover, but then the look he gives McNeal as he flops to the ground, the slight grin that comes to his face, and the fact that he makes the shot without hardly looking at the basket.

I was never a huge fan of UConn besides Thabeet, but now i’m officially on that wagon.

Combine News!!

February 27, 2009

Many people see the NFL Combine as a joke.

Some think it should be closed to just nfl and team officials.

I couldn’t disagree more.

Who doesn’t want to watch slow quarterbacks try to run a 40, and who doesn’t like seeing the drills run in practice over and over with future star players doing so?

Not me.

I like the lifting part, which is a great segway into this next part.

David “Not Ferris” Buehler (actually pronounced beeler), was a backup kicker at USC who’s career long is around 49 yards.

That’s pretty for a college level kicker, but that isn’t even his claim to fame.

David Buehler benched 225 pounds 25 times in a row.

Read that again.

225 pounds, 25 times.

Just so you know, this would make him the strongest cornerback, 2nd strongest wr, 3rd strongest safety, 4th strongest tight end, 6th strongest rb, and 8th strongest linebacker.

Not to mention a 4.56 40.

He actually out benched Ray Maualuga, which is definitely saying something.

Ray Maualuga was the beast of the USC defense, and was one of the best defensive players this year.

Yet he could not find a way to bench 225 pounds 25 times. Or even 20.

It might just be me, but this makes Ray look pretty lame.

Draft David Buehler, and you will get a monster who can probably play any position, and in my eyes, the future MVP and leading scorer of the NFL.

Props to k-diddy.

Shaq and Kobe’s Relationship

February 25, 2009

Shaq and Kobe….Kobe and Shaq

First, it’s always Shaq and Kobe

it just rolls off the tongue better

say it aloud and think about it

well, anyways, I was just re-watching the all-star game

yes, i study game film for a meaningless game

i noticed a few things,

first. nobody cares about the actual game

second. Shaq is better at dancing than most of the members of the jabbawockies

third. a flame was rekindled between Shaq and kobe after getting co-mvp

fourth. Shaq sucked in the game. A conspiracy is up to make them friends again. David Stern…I SEE YOU

Conspiracy...Yes, Please

Conspiracy...Yes, Please

CONSPIRACY ALERT:

The NBA commish wants a dynamic duo back in the NBA

Shaq and Kobe are the best ever…better than Jordan-Rodman

BACK TO NORMAL BROADCAST:

in the recent past, shaq and KOBE ahve had their issues

from stoopid raps to silly comments

A Great Divorce to Alleged Rape

Trades and Trade Rumors

But, There were good times

3 straight championships

best duo ever? I think so, and so should you

Whats to Come?

Shaq and Kobe back together in Phoenix…

Yes, Kobe will be traded for j rich and r lopez (or B. I dont know, theyre twins)

They will continue until shaq decides to become a full time cop

Kobe will ride in the squad car along with Shaq

and will spend their golden years together…

Friends Forever

Friends Forever

Free Agents the Mavs should get

February 24, 2009

Now that the Mavs are without Terry, and are lacking a scoring option, they should go out into free agency in the 2009 off-season.

yes, i said 2009, not 2010.

2010 is the over-hyped off-season where all the “blockbuster players” will go into free agency.

Like LeBron and Bosh and Joe Johnson and what not.

big deal.

Odds are they stay where they are anyway.

If you’re bron-bron, do you wanna leave a top 3 team in the East to go to NYC for a trash team and a sweet shoe deal?

NO.

unless you’re a sell-out, and i wouldn’t put it past him.

anyway,

mavs need a scorer NOW.

Option number 1:

Walter Herrmann

You already know the facts, can palm a ball with two fingers, has more range than a marine sniper, and has better hair than dirk. (yeah, i said that too)

He has 3-point shooting and some goofy fastbreak moves which are just perfect for the mavs.

Option 2:

Jason Kapono

His amazing 3-point prowess makes every NBA team drool over him.

He’s like a rich man’s matt carroll, who is the definition of scrub.

Give him the ball at half court, and you’ve got 3 points automatically.

Anything inside that is a guarantee, and 9 times out of 10 he’ll hit a full court shot.

Option 3;

Al Harrington

Man’s got swag, and some game

and his game is about droppin dimes, not droppin dollars (thank you for that amazing commercial)

He does everything for the kids, except for the yelling and countless technicals.

He also followed the next option in making “cheap” shoes for kids (34.99 still costs a lot, the recession is hittin’ home).

Option 4:

Stephon Marbury.

head tat.

15 dollar shoes (take THAT all harrington!!)

A better point guard than J-kidd, and can be the perfect mentor for JJ Barea.

That backcourt is a match made in heaven.

Twins? No. Match made in heaven? Yes.

Twins? No. Match made in heaven? Yes.

What could’ve been

February 22, 2009

so i was hanging around on the internet, and i stumbled upon a certain picture.

This was obviously destiny.

I’ll let you look at the picture real quick, and imagine what boston could be now, but ignore a.i.

Definition of dream team here (minus a.i.)

Definition of dream team here (minus a.i.)

If you don’t know who is in this picture, maybe you should leave the blog.

If you do, you’ve been educated well in sports.

Paul Pierce, Kendrick Perkins, Delonte West, Rajon Rondo, Ryan Gomes, Gerald Green, and Al Jefferson.

7 total studs.

I’ll start it out with the best player.

Delonte West: brings a huge hood factor, and has definitely stepped up his game this year, boston must be jealous.

Kendrick Perkins- he can be the big rebounder, and give away points on pointless technical fouls.

Paul Pierce- a good scorer, and he can really lead a team.

Rajon Rondo- underrated point guard, probably could’ve been an all-star this year. He would be the point guard of this unstoppable team, and Delonte would be the sg.

Ryan Gomes- he’s decent in Minnesota, but he’s not the focus here.

Gerald Green- He’d probably be the emotional leader, representative in the dunk contest, and obviously the media’s pet. Without him, Boston is nothing. Just to make things better for me, Gerald is on the mavs and everything is perfect.

Al Jefferson- a freaking MAN, even if he plays in Minnesota. He’s so good because he has telfair to get him the ball, which is what Rondo would try to emulate, but nobody can be sebastian telfair. Basically, he’s the team.

This group of 7 gentlemen could be the whole all-star lineup if they had to, but they probably like to spread the love.

With a lineup like this, I would most definitely petition to start 6 or 7 players, and if i were the other team, i would always let them.

Way to go boston, you probably could have 3 championships by now, but you only have one.

Plus, you’re taking the fun out of basketball by separating a lineup made in heaven.

i hate you.

What Two Dollar Bills can Buy….

February 21, 2009

Every Holiday, big or small, I get a letter in the mail from my Grandma

In each letter, there is a BRAND, NEW TWO DOLLAR BILL

Over time of me spending these, it got me thinking,

What could I buy with a two dollar bill?!?!?!?!?

  1. Trolli Brite Crawlers (Best candy EVER)
  2. Four Tacos from Jack in the Box (2 for 99 cents)
  3. Slice of Pizza from Franki’s
  4. Shoelaces
  5. Two things from Dollar General
  6. 4 Tickets to an Austin Toro’s game
We Suck!!!

We Suck!!!

We're Disgusting!!!

We're Disgusting!!!

What a $2 bill couldn’t buy…….

  1. A bus trip to the end of the street
  2. Drank :..(
  3. Buffet at Cici’s
  4. Anything not listed Above
  5. 1 Ticket to a Fort Worth Flyer’s game (If they’re still around, idk)
We're too good!!!

We're too good!!!

Thank You Grandma for always giving me $2

Most Overrated/Underrated Players in NBA History

February 21, 2009

Overrated Players:

  1. Bill Russell– Sure he averaged 22.5 rebs and around 16 points a game but that does not necessarily mean he is good. In the time Big Bill Russell was playing in the league it was like playing against 8 year old girls, even Ronnie Turiaf could do all that, if not more. I’ll give him props for being a winner, but I think it was more because of the players around him, he got lucky. All of his career stats should have an astrict(sp?)idk ill just put it *
  2. Jerry West– all I have to say is that just because he is the logo of the NBA does not mean he is good, i think it makes him worse. John West is better at basketball than this n00b
  3. Yao Ming- I hate you Yao Ming. You are way too weak to be a post player in the WNBA not to mention the NBA, Lisa Leslie could take you down with her baby in her arms. Question Yao: Is your body made of glass or something else equally weak? You are always hurt, quit the NBA and go be a freak of nature back in China. Sorry for spittin’ the truth.
What the NBA Logo should be

What the NBA Logo should be

Underrated Players:

  1. Craig Ehlo- Mi padre played basketball with Craig in high-school and for that reason he is underrated. After getting posterized by Michael Jordan in that memorable shot, Craig went home and drank his pain away because everyone hated him. After drinking to much he decided to quit the NBA and teach basketball to kids in Amarillo, Texas. Before Jordan embarrassed Craig, Craig had been putting up Jordan-like numbers, they are the following 13.6 ppg and 4 rpg, which since he is in the NBA translates to about 30 and 12. Those are hall of fame numbers and because of Jordans arrogance, nobody got to see them, but Craig, I see you now, and so does everyone else.
  2. Adam Morrison/Arron Afflalo– You may be thinking, “Blaine, both those players are amazing and cannot possibly be underrated”, my answer is that it is not their basketball skills that are underrated but instead their friendship with each other. At the end of the game of Gonzaga-UCLA in who knows what year and who cares what game, Morrison fell down at halfcourt and started crying. While all of America and the World was laughing, one man among all stood up and helped Adam to his feet. This man was none other than Arron. That is true friendship that is hard to find, and very few know about it, thus making it underrated.
  3. Jussi Jokinen JJ Reddick Walter Herrmann- The True half man- half amazing, underrated because he can palm a ball with two fingers, and dunk naked. Don’t believe me, smell my car, and then check him on youtube. His stats don’t mean anything, he is a spiritual leader from what Rasheed Wallace texts me. He has been seen in NBA commercials, pumping up the other pistons in their little huddle thingy.
Sexier now with the Pistons

Sexier now with the Pistons

Best Friends Forever

Best Friends Forever

Best Closers in the NBA

February 20, 2009

Recently, on a sunday afternoon broadcast of  the NBA on ABC, reggie miller brought up this question: “who is the best closer in the NBA??”

of course when i first heard this, i had a few players jump to mind immediately: Kapono, Szczerbiak, Telfair, and of course Mason JR.

this one went in, as always

this one went in, as always

You may be asking “when was the last time Kapono hit a gamee winning/tying shot?”

never, but the threat of his 79% lifetime 3-point shooting percentage (made up of course, it’s probably higher) is just too much to say no to. He goes to number 1. Also, his ability to be the only player to go 35/30 in a three point contest (once you go 30/30 you get a bonus rack from out of bounds in the corner, and we all know Kapwno is unconscious from anywhere near a basketball stadium) is more icing on the cake.

kapono with one of his many biddies

kapono with one of his many biddies

Szczerbiak is in a similar boat as Kapono, maybe we’ll call it the U.S.S. Long Bomb threat (the best i could come up with on short notice, give me a break). But still, when LeBron is cold (very often) and Mo is hurt and everything else that can go wrong in cleveland does, you will have the most consistent player EVER to win the game. Wally.

Telfair is an obvious shoe-in because he can go through the fire as he has before, and clinch the nba championship with his eyes closed. No further elaboration needed.

Why doesn't he play with a watch anymore?

Why doesn't he play with a watch anymore?

To be semi-serious (instead of the usual super intense) Roger Mason Jr. is easily the MVP of the 4th quarter/OT this year. With now 4 game winning shots, nobody can even see where he’s at right now. He and matt “the red rocket”  bonner(as coined by reggie miller) are the only legit 3 point shooters in tejas.

And of course CJ Wilson.

Woops, wrong sport

he’s also a terrible closer

Guy #2

Truth about Sprees

February 20, 2009
Real Live Pic

Real Live Pic

Wikipedia explanation for this phenomenon- a brand of hard yet chewable candy. They come packaged in tubes and have a variety of fruit flavors . A variation called Chewy Spree is also sold. A previous variation of the candy called Spree Sunsations was also briefly manufactured, with pastel colors and less intense flavors.

My Thoughts- Orgasm in my mouth, that may be an exaggeration but I do not know how to explain the explosion of flavors…

Speaking of flavors, here are the flavors they have and the ones I think they should have as substitutes:

  1. Orange- change it to orange chocolate
  2. Strawberry- Change it to Soulja Boy’s Aston Martin
  3. Sour Green Apple(Lime)- Corona Lite
  4. Lemonade- The Parser Generator
  5. Grape- Purp Drank

Sprees is probably Willy Wonka’s finest product. I will give you a very basic history of the spree.
It was a dark and stormy night in Kalamazoo, Krypton around the year 2290 A.D.

You may be thinking, wait that year hasnt come yet, how am i eating these things currently.

I will get to that answer in a few minutes…anyway, like i was saying…

Willy Wonka was busy at work trying to figure out the mathematical formula for the everlasting gobstopper.

One of his little midget dudes by the name of Bill Brito came in his office unannounced saying he was going home to visit his midget boyfriend named Austin Sodd.

Appearantly all knew that Wonka was a conservative, all except Billiam “Tex-mex” Brito

When Mr. Burrito told Wonka about his relationship, Wonka took at his laser gun and shot Billy’s ears off.

Due to the heat of the laser, the ears then changed into hard yet chewable candy.

Then, knowing how much people would love these, Wonka got into his time machine powered by a tomato and went back to 1970

He distributed this candy madly until he forgot all about his time machine and could never go back to his real time, giving him enough time to meet Charlie…

Giving us the Story we all know and love…Charlie and the Glass Elevator, the sequel to that horrible movie Charlie and the Chocolate Factory